Me? Myself? I?

Disappointed. 自卑.

Did I work hard enough for all the papers? Did I put in my 101% effort?
Seeing so many of them did so well, I feel that I'm so lousy.

Even if I work hard, my results doesn't show. I know I'm not smart, but does hard work really pays off?

Looked through 2 of the papers. Careless mistakes killed me! Those careless mistakes make me get 1 grade lower. Sad.

More effort has to be put in for upcoming CA!!!!

4:40 PM

86% for the first trial. 90% for the second. I really need to read through the book carefully again. More luck next month for the actual thing.

Anyway, 2 weeks of "school break" is coming to an end. One of the most packed break I ever had. For 2 weeks, there's only 1 day I have been home for the whole day. I really wonder if I can hang on there till the next break.

Let's see... 6 weeks of school with CAs. Followed by YOG break of 3 weeks. Volunteering at least for 7 days and the rest of the days for revision. 1 week back to sch again. Lastly, 2 weeks for end of module tests and exams.

6 + 3 + 1 + 2 = 12 weeks!!!

12 weeks till the next break!

10:39 PM

Haven't even start enjoying my school break and school's gonna start again.

It's good in the sense that I can get back to study mood asap.
It's bad in the sense that I can only have my break after end of module tests and exams, which is during Sept. Long long way to go...

12:09 PM

累了，我真的累了。。。
不想玩了。。。

9:58 PM

2 weeks of school vacation, 1 week gone.
1 week spent all on the camp. The other 1 week gotta spend with different people each day.

It's so packed! Where's my break?
Not much time to do RWPS. I need to rush that out soon!

NM1 and RWPS!

Camp is over. Next up is volunteering for YOG?

9:26 PM

There's so much to say. There's so much to share.
But certain things are inconvenient to be said here.

The camp that I've been worrying for the past few weeks is finally over!
The effort spent was worthwhile.
I may not be the best organiser/camp chief, but I know I did put in effort for this.
I won't say it went perfectly well, some hiccups here and there. But overall it was still good.

Things didn't start well from Prep Camp. I was not feeling well and had flu. It always come at the wrong time.

Buying of stuffs was the worst for that day! Bought one whole trolley of food and drinks. To be exact Jasmine and I bought 12 litres of cordials, 4 kg of Milo powder, 2 kg of sugar, 400 disposable plastic cups, 275 Styrofoam cups and 160 packets of biscuits from Commonwealth back to Dover. Do you know how heavy was that? My shoulders and fingers were aching after that.

Went to shower after reaching school while Jasmine went back to get her camp stuffs. Everything was alright until Jasmine was back. She wanted to shower and I accompanied her. Wanted to go back to clubroom? Main door was locked! GREAT! We were stuck outside with everything inside the clubroom. Luckily I brought my phone and lappy out. Or else I won't know how I can survive the night.

Moving from places to places to find a place to 'sleep'. From FC5 to outside FC5 to outside Moberly. The time past so slowly! Had naps for the 7 hours outside the clubroom. But didn't really sleep well, because the bench was really HARD and STIFF! I've got no idea how to lie or sit to sleep. Spent the night with lizards and one cockroach. Was the dream about lizards few days before I go for camp was a warning?

Nap, SMS, Chat, MSN. That's how I spent my 7 hours outside Moberly.
At 7am, the security guard finally open the main doors. Went back to clubroom and sleep for 1.5 hour and wake up to prepare for the camp.

I didn't know that the campers will be so punctual. Some of them reached half an hour earlier. Being punctual is good, but it somehow messed up our plan. We were expecting to start things 1 hour later from reporting time, instead we started after 15 mintues.

Trying to drag the time as much as possible during ice breakers and mass games. But no matter how we drag it, there's still lots of buffer time. No choice, but to move activities that's at night to before dinner. They had flag making and cheers. Weht back to bunk to rest. Suppose to be back to bunk at 5.30pm. But I think we were back at 5pm. Rest a while and they went for shower.

After shower was dinner, there was not much activities except for movies and night walk which will start only at 10pm. Ohya! During movie screening, I fell asleep! =x Sleeping during the movie screening is still okay. Just that....... They called for me using the microphone after the first movie! Paiseh!!! I was really sleeping and I didn't realise it! Almost wanted to find a hole and hide!

Night walk wasn't that smooth. One of the helpers called and told me that security guards were patrolling and they may come over to our bunks to see if we were there. I was so afraid that the security guards know what we were doing. Quickly asked few of them to come back and go to the bunks and 'act'. But nobody came.

Night walk ended around 3+am. Packed up and slept at 4am.

Woke up 7am in the morning to shower and rushed out to get biscuits for breakfast. I know is kind of pathetic to have biscuits for breakfast, but lunch is just 1 hour difference. That's why didn't had a heavy breakfast. Making the Milo for breakfast wasn't easy. Making one cup is definitely, but not in one big dispenser. It took a few of us 30 minutes to get the Milo done.

Didn't know how was the workshop. Because I was busy preparing the next meal. Actually, aren't I suppose to be the one very free, walking around and doing nothing?

Anyway, after lunch was amazing race for the whole afternoon. Helpers went to prepare their stations. I went to get equipments for disco night from SPSU with 2 other EXCO. After that walked to some stations to see if everything was alright. I had the urge to join in the fun. But I was having a headache when they were playing.

Busy busy busy. The whole day I was busy walking around preparing all the things. Prepared dinner after that. I wasn't there during the auction. Went to shower instead. Auction ended too fast and disco night wasn't ready. No choice have to find something to let campers do. Some of the campers went back to bunks and were asking me to unlock the doors. Luckily I know they were planning not to let the campers know about disco night, that's why I told them my access cards wasn't with me.

While others have nothing to worry about disco night, I worried if any security guard will come. Disco night started around 12.30am. Everything started well. There's surely people who doesn't dance or don't want to dance. That includes me.
One thing! Camp Chief equals to have to dance? Or must dance? I was walking in and out of the room for the first one hour I think? I was emo-ing for some reasons and I could even sleep standing at one corner.
Until..... They started to keep asking me to dance. Pulling me up on the table, but failed. They still asked the DJ for me! I dashed out of the room and was being pulled back. One way to make them not pull me up is to just sit on the floor!
I'm stubborn. Too bad. No means no. The most I just move a bit. That's good enough.
There was a tripped. Everything stopped out of a sudden and the disco night was over. It's good news to me because I can sleep.

Woke up even before my phone alarm rang. Prepared breakfast and had debrief. Wait till everything was cleared from all the bunks before returning the access card to DSD.

Some of them said the 3 days were rather short. To me, it was rather long. Certain part of the days the time past too slowly.

After all, it's the experience I have being the Camp Chief.

Haven't been sleeping well for the past 1 week. I've been worrying about the camp every night before I sleep. Finally had a proper sleep yesterday night! 14 hours! Nothing could even wake me up.

1.5 + 3 + 4.5 = 9 hours!
9 hours in total for the past 3 nights!

When was the last time I slept so peacefully?

P.S. Thanks to those who cared for me, keeping me accompanied, consoled me and giving me morale support these few days. You know who you are... Thanks! :)

4:51 PM

15 June --- Prep Camp
16 June to 18 June --- SPP FO Camp 2010

I'm still worried. Things are not 100% prepared.
But I'm hoping it goes well. Really!

I still have the feeling that I may cry halfway through the camp. =x
Be it everything goes well or something wrong happens.

Haven't been sleeping well for days. My mind is only camp, camp and still camp.

Hope I'll be back satisfied with the whole camp...

12:14 AM

Spent so much money today...
All that I spent are not for me...

Let's see what I've bought today...

1 tray of eggs

1 packet of marshmallows

1 tube of wasabi

2 big cloth

2 packets of chips

3 packets of pocky

4 packets of flour
6 rolls of masking tapes
70 light sticks + 1 tube of smaller light sticks

The light sticks cost almost $100!!

Now I feel so poor... Reimbursement!

10:34 PM

Haven't talk about yesterday...

It's a success!

I didn't know I could control so well yesterday! =P

Most of the time, I'll end up laughing or I'll try to avoid the 'main target'.

I was really trying very hard to control.

From the start when I met up with MT, I wanted to laugh already. =x That's why I was smiling away throughout. Haha!

Went for dinner at The Manhattan Fish Market. The food is not really nice. What I meant was fish and chips. It was oily! I had a hard time finishing the food.

Everything started only after we completed our main course.

We didn't plan on how to get the cake out. I decided to sms JM and ask her, when we were actually sitting side by side only. Even when sms-ing, I wanted to laugh. MT, see how well I controlled myself yesterday? Haha!

The same tricked was used again. The first time it didn't work so well? But this time round was great! JM went to ask for the cake while I was trying to distract MT with all sorts of things.

When JM was back, those waitresses were preparing the cake.

I was panicking searching for my camera. After that then I realise I can only do 2+min of recording. So quickly asked MT for hers instead. Luckily she didn't suspect anything.

TADA! The cake was served with singing of birthday song. At least this time not as paiseh as mine? Haha! Cake cutting, group photo taking. Followed by giving her the birthday card. Haha, MT was so shocked of what's on the card. Nice! :)

After that was all her "questioning". Haha!

Fun!!!

On a random day we met and had fun again...... :)

See you all on Monday!

10:59 AM

The only school break that I'm not looking forward at all.
You won't know how much I dreaded this period.
It's another week! I just have to get through this week and it's over!

The urge of me giving up is very strong. But I'm still hanging there. For the sake of myself.
You won't know how much I've gone through. I know I have been complaining since don't know when. It's going on and on. Until it's over.

I'm the only one who really walked through everything from the start till now. Getting involve with everything. Handling almost all sort of situations. Even if there's lacking of cash, I guess I'm just going to pay it on my own. Say bye to my savings.

The tiredness. The helplessness. Will you ever understand?

I wanted to just let it out all.

Can I?

12:41 AM

I would rather not have that title. It's unnecessary.
It's giving me all the unnecessary stress.

People around me keep calling me that... As if I wanted it?
If I would have the choice, I would rather not have that title.

Camp Chief?

9:57 PM

Don't read on if you don't want your mood to be affected....

It's MST week! Am suppose to be concentrating on the 3 papers I have. 1 down, 2 more to go! But there's something distracting me! That's the camp!!! Studying halfway and camp stuffs just pop out in my head. Argh! The camp is more stressful compared to the 3 papers. It's really killing me! I really do have the urge to go up to them and say I'll QUIT!

It's fustrating when people are rushing you for stuffs at the wrong period of time. Hey, do you know it's MST week? As if I wanted to drag things till last minute. The rest out there are not contributing!!! They dilly dally and I have to do everything on my own? Even if you want me to do everything, I need TIME!

You people need to study for MST, I don't have to?
Giving me all sort excuses that you are busy. I'm not?

2 weeks before tell them to do this do that. Ended up? Not done.
1 week before telling him to do emailing. Ended up? Wait till the very last day.

Stop telling me there's only 1 week left. I know that.
Not enough participants? Mass mailing? From some one's job become mine?
Just put all the blame on me.

Am I suppose to do each and everything?
From planning, organising, mass mailing, collection of payment to buying of props.
What else?

"Approach us if you need help." Thanks. But when we needed help, what you all did?

If the camp fails, it's my fault. I know.
If the camp fails, all the blame will be on me. I know.
If the camp fails, nobody will be sadder than me.

12:13 AM

9:06 AM

June? Aren't June suppose to be holiday?
When others will be happily enjoying their school break, I'll be busy with all sorts of things.

The month is so packed that I wish now is 30 June.

I can't wait for everything to be over.

11:36 PM

Submitted the application form for USA trip.
Chances are so slim because there are so many peopl applying for it.

Waiting for the interview and hope that I'll be the lucky one! :)

7:52 PM